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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126832">What You Needed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockbottomphilosophy/pseuds/rockbottomphilosophy'>rockbottomphilosophy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Male-Female Friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:15:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockbottomphilosophy/pseuds/rockbottomphilosophy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the midst of it all, you couldn't help but notice two things. </p>
<p>You felt cold.</p>
<p>And you felt numb. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>She thought she was everything he needed until she wasn't. And she thought he was everything she needed until he couldn't be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you for even considering reading this! It's been a long while since I've written anything and this is just a warm up. I hope to continue, and I will do my best if there's interest. Let me know what you guys think! </p>
<p>This was inspired by Betrayal from mrslilyrogers, please share their story love as well! </p>
<p>I hope you all enjoy ♥️</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the midst of it all, you couldn't help but notice two things. </p>
<p>You felt cold.</p>
<p>And you felt numb. </p>
<p>Wearily, you sat with your feet tucked under your bottom, leaning on the arm rest of the couch. In front of you on your coffee table were photos.</p>
<p>They were, one could consider, beautiful photos; photos that told the story of two people who so ardently look like they're in love. Sitting at a coffee shop, cozied up in a small booth hidden in the back corner; hand holding as they walk down Central Park bundled in scarves and parka's and gloves. Laying in a passionate embrace on the same bed you just made that morning. </p>
<p>They were photos of your significant other, but none with you.</p>
<p>And so: you felt cold, and you felt numb. </p>
<p>You felt like your tears ran dry and somehow they kept coming anyway. </p>
<p>Was he so unhappy that he found another?</p>
<p>You didn't think it was the bedroom of all things; the both of you were quite adventurous and with how frequently you two had sex, that just didn't seem to be the problem. </p>
<p>You took care of the house and him. You didn't ask for anything but some of his time and you weren't clingy either. You had your own career and ambitions, but you made more than enough time for your relationship when you were home. </p>
<p>Thinking over the last few weeks, months even, you couldn't think of any indication of why he would do this. It was scary to think that he would do this because you weren't enough. But...what if you weren't? </p>
<p>You wanted to strangle him; to beat him until he could feel the pain that you felt. What gave him the right? Why couldn't he just tell you he wasn't happy? Why did he have to lie?</p>
<p>A sniffle comes from your nose and you reach next to you for a tissue on the end table and wipe away the streaks of tears under your eyes. You haven't moved your eyes from the bedroom photo for some time. A shaky sigh falls from your lips, cold hands curl until a tight fist forms. </p>
<p>If he wanted to be with someone else, then that's what he'll get. Quickly, before your resolve crumbles, you move to your room and pull out your worn leather weekender bag. You shove as many clothes in there as you could along with your toothbrush and some other toiletries. You pull out your only other luggage bag that was shoved into your closet and start to fill that too. Luckily, you weren't much for owning things beyond what you can carry in two bags, and you had yet to furnish your new apartment with any trinkets that meant anything. He was gone for the next two days. You could disappear from the apartment by then you were sure. You could erase yourself from this place. </p>
<p>As you tearily fold the last of your shirts into your luggage, you make a call. </p>
<p>"Hey darlin', what's up?" </p>
<p>A shuddering breath and a choked sob. "S-steve?"</p>
<p>"You been crying? What's going on?"</p>
<p>When you let out another sob, he frowns and calls out your name sternly. "Hey, what's going on? Are you hurt? Where are you??"</p>
<p>He lets you cry on the phone for a few moments and when he's about to speak again, you finally speak up, whimpering his name again. He barely has his leather jacket on as he fumbles with his keys. While he marches to his shoes Steve begins to reach out to you again.</p>
<p>"Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart. Let me help you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Home," you simper through your tears. "Please come-come get me."</p>
<p>He was already on his way. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Normally, on a good day of traffic it would take him thirty minutes to get to your apartment. As he swerved between cars as carefully as he could, Steve made it in about 15 minutes. A while ago, Bucky had given him the spare keys to your shared apartment.</p>
<p>"Emergencies Stevie, in case I'm on a mission and something happens to her."</p>
<p>Steve had it poised and ready when he found your apartment already unlocked. He frowned at your habit as he let himself in with a call of your name. He could hear your soft crying from down the hall and moved to go to you when he saw the photographs on your coffee table. On the floor was a fallen note in feminine handwriting. </p>
<p>
  <i>I thought you should know. </i>
</p>
<p>He could feel the anger, disappointment and hurt build from the pit of his stomach. "Oh, no, Buck. What did you do?"</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"Come here…"</p>
<p>You were tired now. Curled up into a ball in front of your bed with your arms folded over your knees, your face covered by a curtain of brown hair. A strong, warm presence was seated next to you, effortlessly moving to seat you on their lap. You sniffled, forcing back yet another set of tears as you let yourself receive his comfort. He cradles you gently in his strong, muscular arms while he rocks slightly side to side. </p>
<p>"You'll be all right," he whispers through your sniffling. "You're okay; I've got you...I'm here."</p>
<p>And he was. Steve thankfully didn't press you for answers he knew you probably didn't have. He just sat there quietly comforting you as you broke down, taking in your packed bags he saw when he walked into the room. You clearly weren't going to wait for Bucky to get back, and after seeing the pictures he didn't blame you.</p>
<p>He would leave too.</p>
<p>You weren't sure how long you two sat on the floor, but once you finally stopped your tears, Steve patted your arms and had you stand in front of him. When he stood to his full height in front of you, Steve cupped your face with both hands and made you look at him. A quick wipe of your tear stained face with his thumbs, he pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead and pulled you close again. You let your head fall into the cradle of his chest and your hands grasped his shirt at the waist. For the first time in hours you felt warm.</p>
<p>"You'll come with me," he starts. "I'll take you to my house, and set you up in the guest room. Won't tell anyone you don't want to know. How's that sound?"</p>
<p>You nodded into his chest, and wrapped your arms fully around his waist. "I don't know what I did wrong," you whisper sadly. "I don't-" </p>
<p>Steve squeezes you abruptly cutting you off before pushing you away at arm's length. He catches your eye with a stern gaze. "None of that," he huffs with a quick shake. "You didn't make this decision. This isn't on you. This is his choice and it sucks, but don't you dare blame yourself. Don't you dare-do you hear me?"</p>
<p>A broken gaze in return makes Steve repeat himself. "Do you hear me? Not your fault so don't you start." When you nod reluctantly, he doesn't want to accept that; Steve wants you to believe that it wasn't your fault but he also knew that was all he would get from you for now. He sighs and nods. "We will have to come back for your other stuff tomorrow. I only brought my bike. We should have two more days for you to finish packing if that's what you want."</p>
<p>"It is," you confirm. "It is." </p>
<p>Steve nods and grabs your weekender bag and your hand to take you to his bike. </p>
<p>"Thank you," you smile sadly at him as he hands you a helmet from his perch on the bike. "Thank you for helping me."</p>
<p>Steve returns your smile with one of his own and a shake off his head. He didn't want your thanks; he's just glad he could be there for you. He was glad that you trusted him enough to call him. </p>
<p>He helps you onto his bike behind him and when you wrap your arms around how's torso, he pats your joined hands at his front. </p>
<p>"Let's go home."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You and Steve have some meaningful conversations.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading, and voting and the comments! It all made me work really hard to get this second chapter out. I hope you continue to follow and support me until the end ♥️</p>
<p>This also isn't beta'd. I tried my best, haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he had brought you into the brownstone, you didn't really notice much of anything. It was as if you were looking without seeing. Steve had shown you quietly into his guest room more than an hour ago, not bothering with a tour since you've been there many times with friends. After telling you quite seriously to keep your money, and inviting you to stay with him for a long as you needed, Steve left the room leaving you to your thoughts. </p>
<p>In the time that he had left you, you had successfully stopped crying. You were sitting still on the window seat, knees pulled up to your chest with your arms wrapped around your knees. You rest your head and shoulders against the window and just gazed blankly outside. At what, you wouldn't have been able to answer. You sure stopped crying but what didn't stop was the sinking feeling in the pit your stomach. </p>
<p>Truthfully, if Steve didn't mention having two days to pack you would have questioned whether or not he was even on a mission. </p>
<p><i>Is there anything that was truthful than came out of his mouth?</i> </p>
<p>When the sound of a dull thud made its way through the room with a soft strong of muttered curse words to follow, you let out a sigh. You could hear Steve pacing in the corridor for quite some time. Somehow, you mused, this giant man who was stealthy in any given mission to save the world, was the same man who could not be so stealthy with the normalcy of the day to day. </p>
<p>"Steve," you called out softly, knowing his advanced hearing would carry your voice to his ears. "I can hear you pacing. Just come in."</p>
<p>To be fair, if one of your friends had their hearts broken you're not exactly sure how you would respond either. Space or no space? Hugs or no hugs? Some will cry more at the thought of someone comforting them and others will want the reassurance that everything will work out. But you? You're not sure what you want.</p>
<p>Not anymore. </p>
<p>A sheepish looking Steve stood before you, his left hand rubbing the back of his neck. You can see the thick veins in his arms running from his wide wrists to the folded sleeves of his flannel. In his right, a steaming cup was placed on a small saucer. "Tea," he said. "You've been cooped up in here for a while, but I wasn't sure if I should bother you…"</p>
<p>Thankful, you take the tea with a smile and make room for him to sit next to you, which he does. Steve's long denim clad legs stretch out before him as he leans back against the window. His fingers laced together as he rested them on his stomach. When you take a sip of the tea, you let out a small groan of appreciation and notice the red blush that creeps up on his neck and ears. "It's my favorite," you whisper contently. "Thank you." </p>
<p>He shrugs and lets out a sigh, "You would run to the cafe down the street every time you wanted tea since all I had here was coffee. I figured buying your favorite kind was better than you spending more than fifteen dollars every time you and Buck came down to visit."</p>
<p>At the sound of his name, Steve shifts awkwardly. "Sorry, I didn't-"</p>
<p>You shake your head and rest a hand on his forearm. "No, no. It's nothing. Don't tiptoe around me, please. You were best friends with him long before I came along Steve." When you pull your hand away, you bring the cup to your lips and take a generous drink. Sadly, your eyes drift down the the drink in front of you. Silence rests between the two of you for a moment until you say something. "I'm sorry," you whisper weakly. You swallow the saliva than pools in your mouth and you sniffle. You can feel the deep ache in your chest as you continue to speak to him, Steve watching you solemnly. "I didn't know who to call. Almost all of my best friends are back home and you were the first person I thought of that I could trust." </p>
<p>It's his turn to reach out to you. He takes the tea from you and places it on the floor, mindful of your feet before he gently grasps your hands. They're soft, he thinks to himself; soft to the touch. "I'm glad you called me. When I saw your bags, I had to stop for a minute. I don't know what I would do if you just left us, doll. We all care about you and we all love you. You're a part of us now; can't shake us idiots if you tried."</p>
<p>When Steve earned the giggle he was looking for, he smiled. "You can always trust me."</p>
<p>"Bucky said that too," you mused ironically. "Look where that got me."</p>
<p>"He did love you," Steve corrected. "I can't excuse what he did, and no one can, and you <i>shouldn't</i>. But he did love you, and he did cherish you. At one point, he did."</p>
<p>You felt like you wanted the earth to swallow you whole. </p>
<p>At one point. </p>
<p>At one point. </p>
<p>At one point. </p>
<p>But when did he stop? Why did he stop? </p>
<p>"Whatever the case," you start spitefully, "He doesn't now. And I'll be fine. <i>I have to be.</i>"</p>
<p>Steve nods. "You will be. You have me." He knew it didn't mean much. He knew even though he was next to you, other than support there was hardly anything he could do to help you. He wanted to be there for you though. And he would be, he vowed. </p>
<p>You feel the sting of tears in your eyes and look up to find Steve's own pools of blue shimmering slightly. "Yeah," you laughed lightly. "I do."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>You had just moved into the new apartment three months ago so there wasn't much to collect beyond your clothes and some photo albums you kept with you over the years. You didn't have a lot of decor from when you lived alone either. You could never find the time in your schedule to want to go out shopping for the home but you never thought that could be a blessing in disguise. </p>
<p>There was no more than your suitcase and a small box that you packed into the sleek black SUV Steve owned. Steve watched you from his spot at the front door; he tucked his hands into his pocket, thumbs hooking at his belt loops. <i>Of all things, of all people</i>, he thought to himself quietly, <i>she deserved this the least</i>.  He watched you, stare blankly at the photos that still sat on the coffee table. You rubbed your thumb and index finger together, a habit he learned you had when your mind ran rampant when your body couldn't follow. </p>
<p>He watched as you licked your lips and let out a heavy sigh. Slowly, you kneel  in front of the coffee table and move to organize the photographs into a neat stack, placing your key to the apartment onto the pile as a final piece. </p>
<p>"There were so many things I thought about when I first saw these photos," you confessed softly to Steve, eyes never leaving the pictures in front of you. You fiddled with the key on the table and the corners of the photographs. "When did it happen? How long? Where did they meet? How did it start? The list could go on. It's only been a day. I still feel angry. I still feel hurt. But there's something else now - I feel empty." You felt a hand on your shoulder, Steve squatting next to you.</p>
<p>"You won't feel that way forever," he vows silently as he pulls you up by your hands. As you walk down to the car, Steve grips your hand tighter in his. Ever the gentleman, he opens the passenger door for you and helps you into your seat, pulling down the seat belt to strap you in. When he gets into the driver's seat, with brazen confidence you haven't had the chance to see in Steve, he looks you in your eyes before he drives off to the brownstone. "You won't feel that way forever," he repeats. "I won't let you."</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>A while after they got back to the brownstone, Steve received a message. </p>
<p>They were coming home a day early, Bucky texted. The mission had gone well, information and more obtained.</p>
<p>He wasn't sure what he was going to tell Bucky if he ever dropped by the house. While he wouldn't outright say you were here, he knew Bucky could smell your perfume in the air and most likely hear you move around in the guest room.  Bucky was aware that although you were great friends with the entire group, next to him, Steve was your next best friend. </p>
<p>Could he get away with just a punch in the face? </p>
<p>Steve mulled over the thought when he heard dainty footprints sound down the stairs. When he looked up at you from his place at the kitchen counter, he pulled up the seat next to him. "He text you?" Steve asked, taking a sip from the tumbler he had in front of him. </p>
<p>"Yeah," you nodded. Folding your arms on the counter space, you rest your head down. "I didn't text him back though. He'll probably just assume I'm at work. Speaking of, I requested time off. If he tries to reach out to me there he can't." </p>
<p>"I know I said I wouldn't tell him where you were," he started carefully, "But he's got enhanced abilities too. He's going to know you're here."</p>
<p>You knew this. While you appreciated Steve trying to protect you, you also knew that this wasn't exactly something you could run entirely from. He chuckled when he heard you groan in irritation, and not long after you felt a large have run down the length of your spine in comfort. "Do you want me to be your proxy and give him a good punch in the face?" </p>
<p>His vain attempt to make you laugh worked and you let out a snort in amusement. "Not exactly where I wanna punch him, Stevie," you say with a wry grin, lifting your head to instead rest your chin on the palm of your hand. "Jokes aside, I know he'll know where I am, and maybe I'll have the strength to face him tomorrow or whenever he finds his way here. I don't know… You don't have to lie for me if he asks but please don't let him up to see me. At least until I'm ready?"</p>
<p>Steve took a stop from his tumbler, words heavy with scotch, "Of course. I didn't tell anyone else what happened - that is up to you. And I won't force you to leave either. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you need. <i>But</i> if you tell me thank you one more time, I'm going to hit you in the face with a pillow."</p>
<p>You chuckled, "Oddly specific."</p>
<p>"Safest thing to hit you with," he shrugged. "Maybe."</p>
<p>A few beats of silence go between you, a balm for the hurt in your soul. You were thankful for Steve. Not just because he was helping you through this, but because he was there. You knew confidently he had your back, even though his best friend hurt you. While you knew he wasn't picking sides but simply following his moral compass, you appreciated it nonetheless.  </p>
<p>Wordlessly, Steve finished the scotch that did absolutely nothing to him and led you back to your room with a pat on the head, "You should sleep now," he suggests, eyeing your swollen eyes. “It’s been a long day.”</p>
<p>You took the out he gave you with grace and quietly the both of you marched upstairs. You let yourself into the guest room, hand grasping the doorknob from within after partially closing the door. Before you saw Steve close his door shut completely, you called out to him. “You don’t have to answer,” you mumbled, “But do you miss her?” After careful consideration you add, “Did you love her? Peggy, I mean.” </p>
<p>Steve cleared his throat and opened his door wider, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed across his chest. “Honestly?” he started. For Steve, voicing his thoughts about what crossed the minds of many since he was found in ice, wasn’t easy. “Of course I miss her; Peggy was the first woman besides my mother who saw me. She saw my potential, and she saw the worth I didn’t know I had. But did I love her?”</p>
<p>You watched him think, practically hearing the gears turning in his head. He had to have loved her right? Their story was practically a fairy tale, a popular love story in a time that found many people in the middle of a war they didn’t choose to fight. A once in a lifetime kind of love everyone searched for. </p>
<p>Steve licked his lips and let out a sigh at which you tilted your head, staying quiet. “I loved her too,” he started. “But not like what is told to everyone.” </p>
<p>You frowned, confused. Before you could ask what he meant however, Steve powered on, looking into your eyes. “Peggy and I got close, as you can imagine. Spending day in and day out with someone like her, it’s hard <i>not</i> to get close. But contrary to the love story everyone heard, I wasn’t in love with her. At least not yet, or completely anyway. The love I had for her was the kind of love that was only starting to evolve into something that could have been magical. I loved her and I was beginning to fall in love with her, but you could guess what happened next.” </p>
<p>There was a sincerity in his gaze that made you smile sadly. “Thank you for sharing,” you started, rolling your eyes playfully at his shrug. “I only asked because I wanted to know - does it really hurt any less? Falling in love with someone and losing out on it...It hurts less, eventually, right?” </p>
<p>Steve could see your eyes searching and reaching for anything to hold onto. As much as he wanted to tell you everything would be fine, he had to be realistic. “Depends on you,” he nods in your direction with a soft smile. “For me...I was angry that I missed my chance with her, of  <i>course</i> I was.  But a love in its infancy can only hold me back if I let it, right? Peggy lived a good life after I was gone, and I am thankful for that now. I can’t go back and I don’t think I would ever change anything if I could. If I did, I wouldn't have the family I have now. I have a second chance at life, and at love, and it’s more than I ever expected to  to get.“</p>
<p>You nodded, resting your head against the door you leaned on, gazing sadly at the ground.There was just so much to think about. </p>
<p>Steve said your name softly, so softly you almost didn’t hear it. “I can’t promise you time will heal all your wounds; it’s not the only thing that can help you move past this. It’ll help though. You’re stronger than you think, you know. It hurts like hell now, but in a few weeks, it’ll hurt less. In a few months, you’ll find yourself barely thinking about him. In a few years, this won’t matter to you as much anymore, or even at all.” </p>
<p>You know he’s right; you’re strong and time will help you heal but it won’t solve all of your problems. But hearing it from him, knowing he had a love lost and a family found--that gave you hope.</p>
  </div></div>
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